Traumatized

Yes, after last nights crazy dreams...I've concluded that I'm a bit traumatized.

About this time last year I was having surgery, then I had the blood clot and the dramatic hospital stay/ transport (8+ hour ambulance ride out of the desert) where I felt such a range of emotions and self preservation emotions.

Then this week I read about rising rate of maternal/ fetal deaths in the U.S. and watched the videos by Ina May Gaskin about that.

Then the train wreck which killed a couple of young moms (along with other esteemed persons) here this week.

Then a good friend is packing and PCSing this week.

Another friend is sending her husband off on a deployment.

Another blog friend's child is on life support after coding yesterday.

And of course who didn't miss the death of Farra Faucet and the media awash over the play by play coverage of the death of Micheal Jackson (they actually showed a picture of him during the code...not pretty and absolutely inappropriate as far as I'm concerned).

So last night I was dreaming that I came down with some sort of cardiac arrhythmia (intermittent tachycardia to be exact), my breathing rate was increasing trying to compensate for the decreased oxygen levels, and I could feel my heart racing (in my dreams)...and I was afraid I was going to die, leaving my children and husband all alone.

Yet, in this dream, I felt it was so important to be able to explain death to my children and somehow comfort them. But my tongue swelled up and nobody could understand me...and it just made it more frustrating.

Thank God it's morning! I'm awake now and while all the other things in the world are still real, that dream was just a nightmare. So go hug your loved ones and value each moment we have to be alive...good or bad, they're all gifts.